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Yes, it is true! A weekly digest of news just for survivors, their loved ones, and advocates! Once you subscribe, every Thursday you will receive your copy of the digest in your email. It will be sent to you in a pdf format. Every week we will bring to you news on new laws and/or pending legislation affecting survivors of abuse (child abuse, domestic violence, and sexual assault.) We will memorialize victims of abuse who lost their lives in the preceding week. There will be survivor stories - former victims now living free of abuse will share their struggles and their triumphs! By subscribing you are helping us to provide avenues of support at no charge to survivors in need. This includes our video conferencing weekly support group which will soon begin. Those meetings will be held every Saturday from 11 am until 1pm. You are also supporting guided journal workshops. Your support will help us organize speaking events as a vehicle for survivors to increase their confidence by sharing their story as they reach out to others, proving their is a light at the end of the tunnel. This in turn will create a network of inspirational speakers within communities to help promote awareness. As we grow we aim to help survivors increase their foundation for a better life by offering them a chance to earn money as freelance writers. We hope you see the value in this endeavor. Subscriptions 3 months = 12 issues $18.00 USD 6 months = 26 issues $32.00 USD 1 year = 52 issues (greatest savings) $50.00 USD
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Mechelle Cichy
[email protected] One common denominator among survivors of all forms of abuse is low self-esteem. Regardless of whether the abuse originated when the victim was a child or if it began during adulthood, the effect is still the same. People with self- esteem issues have a very low opinion of themselves. They feel unworthy of love, respect and friendship. In fact, they feel unworthy in general. Many times they allow themselves to be treated as doormats by everyone they encounter because they feel inferior to every other human alive. In order to manipulate and control their victims, abusers beat them down emotionally and convince them that their lives do not matter. Using phrases such as, “you’re stupid,” “nobody else could ever love you,” and “you can’t do anything right,” the abuser drives home the fact that the victim is worthless. Over time, these phrases are burned into the victim’s thoughts until they become reality. Quite often, low self-esteem plays a large part in making the victim feel that leaving is impossible. It causes victims to have no confidence in their own decisions. Most likely the abuser has insisted on making all decisions for them both. The victim may recognize how toxic the relationship is, yet still feel escape is impossible. The survivor who escapes has a long, hard journey ahead to find the confidence and self-esteem that the abuser stole. Even simple decisions are hard at first because there’s no confidence in the ability to do anything. What can one do to build up self-esteem and learn to feel confident? Confidence comes with success. If I had to come up with just one thing to tell anyone trying to gain self-confidence and self-esteem it would be: Just do it! Whatever the thing is you are afraid to try, just do it. Start small. Try making a small goal each day that pushes just past the comfort zone. Do things the abuser wouldn’t permit. Make new friends and go to lunch with them. Take a spa day and get your nails done. Break those barriers the abuser set up. He isn’t in control anymore. It’s scary at first. Anxiety will rule the day when an attempt is made because fear is the body’s typical response. But, it’s time to push past the fear and JUST DO IT! Success is a heady feeling! Sure, there will be some not-so-great results once in a while, but there will also be some surprising successes. With each success comes greater confidence. Secondly, take a leap of faith and join society. Trusting other people is hard after having been in an abusive situation, but it has to start somewhere. Join the book club that meets on Sunday afternoons. You will learn that the others really do want to hear your opinion on the book of the day. Search for local events and get to know people around you. Take up a new hobby and join in a group. Volunteer at a local shelter. Thirdly, pay very close attention to your self-talk. Don’t put yourself down. Just because your abuser called you worthless doesn’t mean you should agree with him. Stop saying things like “Oh, I’m so stupid.” Your brain believes what you tell yourself. Instead, spend some time each day recounting your assets and abilities. Make it a point to find something good about yourself daily. Assess how far you have come every few months. What things can you do now that you couldn’t do six months ago? What would you like to be able to do six months from now? Be proud of yourself. Celebrate your successes, even the small ones. It’s a great feeling to learn you are worthy after all!
Yes, it is true! A weekly digest of news just for survivors, their loved ones, and advocates! Once you subscribe, every Thursday you will receive your copy of the digest in your email. It will be sent to you in a pdf format.
Every week we will bring to you news on new laws and/or pending legislation affecting survivors of abuse (child abuse, domestic violence, and sexual assault.) We will memorialize victims of abuse who lost their lives in the preceding week. There will be survivor stories - former victims now living free of abuse will share their struggles and their triumphs! By subscribing you are helping us to provide avenues of support at no charge to survivors in need. This includes our video conferencing weekly support group which will soon begin. Those meetings will be held every Saturday from 11 am until 1pm. You are also supporting guided journal workshops. Your support will help us organize speaking events as a vehicle for survivors to increase their confidence by sharing their story as they reach out to others, proving their is a light at the end of the tunnel. This in turn will create a network of inspirational speakers within communities to help promote awareness. As we grow we aim to help survivors increase their foundation for a better life by offering them a chance to earn money as freelance writers. We hope you see the value in this endeavor. Subscriptions 3 months = 12 issues $18.00 USD 6 months = 26 issues $32.00 USD 1 year = 52 issues (greatest savings) $50.00 USD
By Eva Marie Woywod
[email protected] I had just taken a shower and plopped down on my bed to type out an article for a looming deadline day. I was in a bit of a rush, so much to do and so little time to do it in. My mind was racing because I knew my estranged husband had been on a 3-day weekend binge. Those threatening phone calls told me all I needed to know. Just as I started typing out my article I heard the front door open. Something inside me told me I needed to click audio record on my laptop. To this day I am grateful for trusting my intuition during a time I really had a hard time trusting anyone, let alone myself. August 13, 2007 changed my life, it changed my children's’ lives, and it most definitely changed the life of the man I once believed was my Prince Charming, my soul mate. The hour plus audio captured on my laptop documented an assault that will forever be etched into my memory. It was the day I was physically, emotionally and sexually assaulted by the man I vowed to love and stay loyal to for the rest of my life. It was the day our two young sons witnessed their father do unspeakable acts to their mother. It was the day my youngest son, my baby boy, grabbed a baseball bat and wielded it on the man he so once respected and looked up to and all while his older brother attempted to pry his father off of me. Somehow we managed to escape but not before the damage was done. I grabbed my sons, my clothing, and that laptop. We rushed to the car and headed to the police station. I could still feel his hands around my throat. I could still see his face twisted in rage and I could still hear his words echoing in my mind. Flanked by my sons I walked into the local police station. I am sure I looked a mess. When greeted by an officer I already knew on a professional level, I produced my laptop and expressed that I was just sexually assaulted by my husband and I captured it all in an audio file. I was emotionless for myself. I couldn’t cry. I wasn’t mad. I was in shock even though there was a part of me mourning the man he used to be, or at least, the man I once convinced myself he was - a fantasy. Lieutenant Jackson took the laptop while an officer pulled me into their break room. My boys sat in another room and were speaking to another officer. As I was filling out the report I could hear what I had just experienced echo through the hallways of the station. I could hear my screams, I could hear my whimpers, and my pleadings. I could hear my children's’ screams as they begged their father to stop, “you’re raping my mom!” screamed my eldest who at the time was just 13 years old. “I got him,” screamed my then 9-year-old baby boy as he hit his father on the back with the bat. The whack was audible. It then hit me, everyone in that station was listening to me living a nightmare. Everyone was hearing me being assaulted in ways no man should ever do, especially to the woman he vowed to honor and cherish. I wanted to die. Needless to say the evidence I had of the crime we had just suffered was enough for a conviction. My abuser received 8 years in the Wisconsin Department of Corrections and 6 years of extended supervision. He now carries the label of a registered sex offender. The boys and I carry the hearts of being survivors of domestic violence and know that marital rape is a very real and violent crime. My experience with marital sexual assault taught me lessons. Prior to that assault I was already a survivor of child sexual assault and sexual assault as an adult. All sexual assaults are crimes and all leave wounds that must be tended to and cared for. Marital rape, often now called intimate partner sexual assault, along with incestuous sexual assault, leave yet additional scars as the trust you once had for someone you loved is now shattered in pieces - there’s a gaping hole left in the wake and often is filled with self blame and guilt. The assault I suffered was blatant but that is not always the case. Often times the abuse of power and control is far more subtle much like any form of domestic violence can be. According to RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network), intimate partner sexual violence can occur in all types of intimate relationships regardless of gender identities or sexual orientation. Intimate partner sexual violence is not defined by gender or sexuality, but by abusive behavior. They go on to state- Sexual violence in a relationship is rarely an isolated incident. It often occurs alongside other forms of abusive behavior, including physical and emotional abuse. For instance, the majority of women who are physically assaulted by an intimate partner have been sexually assaulted by that same partner. Intimate partner sexual violence often starts with controlling behavior that can escalate to further emotional, physical, and sexual abuse. Warning Signs of abuse include a partner who: *Attempts to cut you off from friends and family *Is extremely jealous or upset if you spend time away from them *Insults you, puts you down, says that you can never do anything right *Tries to prevent you from attending work or school *Tries to prevent you from making decisions for yourself *Destroys your property, attempts to harm your pets *Threatens to harm your children or take them away from you *Tells you that you are worthless and that no one else could ever love you *Controls your finances Sexual abuse includes: *Forcing the victim to dress in a sexual way *Manipulating the victim into having sex or performing sexual acts *Insulting the victim in sexual ways or calling the victim sexual names *Holding the victim down during sex *Demanding sex when the victim is hurt, sick or tired *Hurting the victim with weapons or objects during sex *Forcing the victim to watch pornography *Involving other people in sexual activities against the victim’s will *Ignoring the victim’s feelings regarding sex *Purposely trying to pass along a sexually transmitted disease to the victim Another form of sexually aggression is,sexual coercion. This involves one party persuading or forcing the other to make sexual contact. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reports that nearly two-thirds of women who reported being raped, physically assaulted, or stalked since age 18 were victimized by a current or former husband, cohabiting partner, boyfriend, or date, according to the National Violence Against Women Survey, 2000. The same survey found that approximately 1.5 million women and 834,700 men are raped and/or physically assaulted by an intimate partner each year. Among women who are physically assaulted or raped by an intimate partner, one in three is injured. Each year, more than 500,000 women injured as a result of intimate partner violence require medical treatment. Among women who are physically assaulted or raped by an intimate partner, one in three is injured. Each year, more than 500,000 women injured as a result of intimate partner violence require medical treatment. The health related costs of intimate partner rape, physical assault, and stalking exceed $5.8 billion each year, nearly $4.1 billion of which is for direct medical and mental health care services, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, National Center for Injury Prevention and Control, Costs of Intimate Partner Violence Against Women in the United States Available on-line at: http://www.cdc.gov/ncipc/pub-res/ipv_cost/ipv.htm.
Yes, it is true! A weekly digest of news just for survivors, their loved ones, and advocates! Once you subscribe, every Thursday you will receive your copy of the digest in your email. It will be sent to you in a pdf format.
Every week we will bring to you news on new laws and/or pending legislation affecting survivors of abuse (child abuse, domestic violence, and sexual assault.) We will memorialize victims of abuse who lost their lives in the preceding week. There will be survivor stories - former victims now living free of abuse will share their struggles and their triumphs! By subscribing you are helping us to provide avenues of support at no charge to survivors in need. This includes our video conferencing weekly support group which will soon begin. Those meetings will be held every Saturday from 11 am until 1pm. You are also supporting guided journal workshops. Your support will help us organize speaking events as a vehicle for survivors to increase their confidence by sharing their story as they reach out to others, proving their is a light at the end of the tunnel. This in turn will create a network of inspirational speakers within communities to help promote awareness. As we grow we aim to help survivors increase their foundation for a better life by offering them a chance to earn money as freelance writers. We hope you see the value in this endeavor. Subscriptions 3 months = 12 issues $18.00 USD 6 months = 26 issues $32.00 USD 1 year = 52 issues (greatest savings) $50.00 USD By Kelli Bungert [email protected] Kelli Bungert is from central Wisconsin, and a survivor of childhood rape, incest, and domestic violence. She also a survivor of adult rape and incest at the hands of her biological father. In my last article I wrote about how my three children were taken away from me. Having my kids ripped out of my arms just because I was living in the aftermath of abuse almost destroyed what was left of me. Yes, I was raped and sexually assaulted, abused emotionally and physically. But the moment I had the kids I was filled with hope, and found I had strength I didn’t know I had. My kids saved my life. Last Sunday I was reunited with one of my children. The ride felt like it took forever. The anticipation made me antsy. I couldn't sit still, and was so happy I smiled the whole way there. It had been 17 years and I was about to see my daughter for the first time since she was 3 years old! Was I nervous? Yes, a little. Was I scared? Not at all! When we got to the house where my daughter is living, and I got out of the truck and we just ran toward each other, and hugged for the first time in 17 years. It was the most incredible feeling to have my arms wrapped around my baby once again. We spent time talking and getting to know each other, and found out that we have a lot in common. We both play guitar, draw, and want to make the world a little better. She is a very bright, smart woman and was her high school valedictorian. She graduated with a 4.0 GPA and is going to school to become a Registered Nurse. Finding out she was conceived by rape really upset her, but we are OK, and she knows that I love her no matter what. She knows that I am here for her and we will make it through this together. We have a lot of healing to do, but I think we are off to a pretty good start. Before leaving I gave her my guitar and told her it will help her through the hard times. She is writing a song about keeping her head held high. From what I have heard so far it’s going to be amazing. Thank you for taking the time to read this. Stick around, there will be many updates to follow. Enjoy life and be happy. It’s the only chance we get. The future is ours.
Yes, it is true! A weekly digest of news just for survivors, their loved ones, and advocates! Once you subscribe, every Thursday you will receive your copy of the digest in your email. It will be sent to you in a pdf format.
Every week we will bring to you news on new laws and/or pending legislation affecting survivors of abuse (child abuse, domestic violence, and sexual assault.) We will memorialize victims of abuse who lost their lives in the preceding week. There will be survivor stories - former victims now living free of abuse will share their struggles and their triumphs! By subscribing you are helping us to provide avenues of support at no charge to survivors in need. This includes our video conferencing weekly support group which will soon begin. Those meetings will be held every Saturday from 11 am until 1pm. You are also supporting guided journal workshops. Your support will help us organize speaking events as a vehicle for survivors to increase their confidence by sharing their story as they reach out to others, proving their is a light at the end of the tunnel. This in turn will create a network of inspirational speakers within communities to help promote awareness. As we grow we aim to help survivors increase their foundation for a better life by offering them a chance to earn money as freelance writers. We hope you see the value in this endeavor. Subscriptions 3 months = 12 issues $18.00 USD 6 months = 26 issues $32.00 USD 1 year = 52 issues (greatest savings) $50.00 USD
Kelli Bungert
[email protected] My name is Kelli Bungert. I am from central Wisconsin, and am a survivor of childhood rape, incest, and domestic violence. I am also a survivor of adult rape and incest at the hand of my biological father. My abuse started when I was very young; my first memory of the abuse was when I was three years old. Like most victims, I was scared to say a word about what was happening to me. When I was eight, with my sister by my side, I told my mother what our father was doing to me. She brushed it off and told me not to mention it again, which made me feel like what was happening to me didn’t matter. When I was 12 years old I told my aunt what was happening. She contacted the Department of Human Services and the police. My uncle warned my father before the police showed up, which gave him time to threaten me to keep my mouth shut. During the police interview my father stood right behind me, gripping the chair every time I was asked a question. The officers told me they would come and speak with me at school the next day, but they never showed up. A few weeks later we moved to a new location. What happened to me has happened to many children: the offender was allowed to be present during questioning. In my opinion that is not right. For 17 years I was brutally raped and abused, and gave birth to not one but three children due to rape and incest. When it came time for me to face the police again I had proof showing I had been telling the truth the whole time. Nothing proves incest and rape more than DNA! With proof in hand I returned to the same police department it was reported to when I was 12. As survivors, we need to show other victims and survivors that it is ok to speak up. That they are not alone. Every story I hear and every tear that falls makes me want to fight even harder because I know exactly what they are going through. A group of local survivors in Juneau County is reaching out to help those fleeing abusive situations. S.O.S is a non-profit organization where survivors provide rides to safe locations for victims in harm’s way, and offer resources to those in need. Soon we hope to branch out and have a place of our own. Kelli’s Haven will provide a safe place for those who have nowhere else to turn. I hope people will start believing abused children and lend a hand to the victims who need it the most.
Mechelle Cichy
[email protected] Mechelle (Shell) Cichy is a retired factory worker, a journal writer, an artist, anda survivor of emotional abuse. She has been instrumental in helping a couplewomen in her life leave abusive relationships and strives to help any others she can. Her personal blog is thewriteempath.com. She also runs a Facebook group for increasing self-worth, something crucial to healing from abuse.
Savannah May
[email protected] My name is Savannah May. I live in a small town in Mauston, I have a almost 3 year old daughter Ella. I have long list of emotional, and sexual abuse throughout my life. Just 9 years old I have my first memory. I have learned to cope with these with years of therapy and learning good coping skills, through learning about myself, and my needs it got me interested in helping others. Using what I have learned and teaching others the same. I have learned to open up about my past. Through Eva Marie, she got me into public speaking just over a year ago. Since then I have started running my own support group here in Juneau County with a few other wonderful ladies. I have done several speaking event on topics such as Mental health, s sexual abuse, suicide prevention. Losing my brother to suicide, my cousin, and uncle - lead me to joining the Juneau County Suicide Prevention Coalition as well as dealing with my own suicidal indications. I enjoy being a positive advocate here in our community where it is much needed. When I am not working with 17 Head Start students in my class room full time I spend my time outdoors at the park, kayaking , snowmobiling, reading, doing projects with Ella, and cleaning. So, I guess that is a little bit about me. I'd love to hear from you! Join our Facebook pages! Join the Juneau County Suicide Prevention Coalition, When I became free, and Survivors Offering Support of Juneau County.
Yes, it is true! A weekly digest of news just for survivors, their loved ones, and advocates!
Once you subscribe, every Thursday you will receive your copy of the digest in your email. It will be sent to you in a pdf format. Every week we will bring to you news on new laws and/or pending legislation affecting survivors of abuse (child abuse, domestic violence, and sexual assault.) We will memorialize victims of abuse who lost their lives in the preceding week. There will be survivor stories - former victims now living free of abuse will share their struggles and their triumphs! By subscribing you are helping us to provide avenues of support at no charge to survivors in need. This includes our video conferencing weekly support group which will soon begin. Those meetings will be held every Saturday from 11 am until 1pm. You are also supporting guided journal workshops. Your support will help us organize speaking events as a vehicle for survivors to increase their confidence by sharing their story as they reach out to others, proving their is a light at the end of the tunnel. This in turn will create a network of inspirational speakers within communities to help promote awareness. As we grow we aim to help survivors increase their foundation for a better life by offering them a chance to earn money as freelance writers. We hope you see the value in this endeavor.
life Yes, it is true! A weekly digest of news just for survivors, their loved ones, and advocates!
Once you subscribe, every Thursday you will receive your copy of the digest in your email. It will be sent to you in a pdf format. Every week we will bring to you news on new laws and/or pending legislation affecting survivors of abuse (child abuse, domestic violence, and sexual assault.) We will memorialize victims of abuse who lost their lives in the preceding week. There will be survivor stories - former victims now living free of abuse will share their struggles and their triumphs! By subscribing you are helping us to provide avenues of support at no charge to survivors in need. This includes our video conferencing weekly support group which will soon begin. Those meetings will be held every Saturday from 11 am until 1pm. You are also supporting guided journal workshops. Your support will help us organize speaking events as a vehicle for survivors to increase their confidence by sharing their story as they reach out to others, proving their is a light at the end of the tunnel. This in turn will create a network of inspirational speakers within communities to help promote awareness. As we grow we aim to help survivors increase their foundation for a better life by offering them a chance to earn money as freelance writers. We hope you see the value in this endeavor. |
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February 2020
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